Killing Me with Kindness

Tonight after work I finally got cable TV, yes cable...I feel like I'm from the 1950s or something I've never been more happy....(except for when I got internet). My co-teacher came over with her super cute 5 year old daughter to stay with me until the cable guy finished. I felt really awful because I was down to a swish of water and her daughter was thirsty. After they left, I was like, "okay clearly I need to go grocery shopping, at least for the basics." That usually entails me going to my grocery store which is just a hop and skip away from my house. However, I usually get a 6 pack of those 2 liter water bottles, which are ridiculously heavy.

As I walked in I saw the guy that my parents be-friended during their visit, and gave him a quick annyonghaseyo, (I wasn't sure if he remembered me, even though I am pretty unforgettable) and headed straight for the water section. I grabbed a few other things and headed to the register. He popped up there and said, "that's too heavy, I think I better deliver these to your house." In Korean culture I think=this is what is going to happen. I semi-rejected and semi-accepted because it was raining and they were heavy. The car ride was about 10 seconds, and once we got to my door I felt inclined to introduce myself and ask his name. I thanked him several times in between then, and made sure to right down his name exactly as it's pronounced so I could say hi and his name next time I see him. It might of been nothing to him but to me it was the kindest gesture.

You never really know the impression you make on people, and one act of kindness can change someone's entire perception of their situation and their surroundings. I suppose that was the spark I needed, to shake off my grump-slump and appreciate that the most comforting thing about this strange place are the warmth and kindness of the people I encounter.

The Mid-point

So here I am, halfway through my one-year teaching contract in Daejeon, South Korea. Sorry for the 2-3 month long hiatus I have been traveling, vacationing, and spending valuable thumb twiddling time at my desk during the school break. I have had mixed feelings about my time here, and I am constantly thinking of giving up and going home. It hasn't been easy for me and what keeps me going is the goals I've set for myself once my contract is over in August.

The hardest moment for me was when I came back to Korea after going home for two weeks. The first morning I woke-up and actually thought that I was still in my lovely home in California, but I was quickly reminded of my whereabouts when I heard a loud-beating drum and hitleresque speeches in Korean. It was the celebration of Korea's independence from Japan....could my timing be anymore impeccable? I think I spent the whole day being mad at myself and going crazy inside my little shoebox apartment. I talked to my boyfriend for 8 hours and did a lot of self-loathing. Later on I went out to place my pizza order and saw an American guy that looked like Woody Allen, walking his two dogs with his Korean girlfriend/wife who knows. It's amazing what a little fresh air can do, sure enough it made me "shake off" my grump-slump and try to look forward to the life I have here.

This week is my first week back from spring break, and in Korea this is considered the start of the new year. It makes no sense to me but, let's not get into the ignorant American complaining about the Korean school system speech. So I have new teachers, new students, and basically a new office. At first I was annoyed and irritated that I would have to start new relationships all over again, and become personal with a whole new set of impersonal people. I was somewhat set on my cushiony semi-personal relationships I had with my co-teachers Seo-Young and Bo-mi. Furthermore, I accepted the pin-dropping silence in my office, and the awkward lunches, and me constantly being left out of every conversation. Needless to say, when I walked in Tuesday morning I wasn't thrilled to meet my new officemates. However, it's only Friday and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually genuinely like them. Besides Mr. Kim and I we have all new teachers in our office. Everyone has been very friendly, warm, and welcoming. The teachers are very curious about American culture, and love talking to me. Imagine that, I'm not the conversation starter!! It's amazing, and I'm hoping it only gets better. I can't wait to get back to teaching, coming to school is boring without the zest of my animated students.

Here is the poem (from Mathnawi 1 , 1510 - 1513):

Who are we in this complicated world?

if we come to sleep
we are His drowsy ones.

and if we come to wake
we are in His hands.

if we come to weeping,
we are His cloud full of raindrops.

and if we come to laughing,
we are His lightning in that moment.

if we come to anger and battle,
it is the reflection of His wrath.

and if we come to peace and pardon,
it is the reflection of His love.

who are we in this complicated world?