The Sunday Blues

Just like clock work, starting on Thursday I get really pumped about the weekend, and Friday-Saturday it's like I'm on vacation; I'm a totally different person. But then Sunday rolls around, and during the day I usually feel pretty blah, but in the evening is when I start to get my blues. I find it's on Sundays that I'm the most vulnerable and pessimistic, and I'm not particularly sure why. Maybe it's because I know I have the stress of the work week ahead of me, or maybe it's because I have to countdown to the next weekend of fun. Who knows? But it's becoming a real drag, and I'm open to trying anything I can to cure it.

Ever since I came to Korea, it's been a rollercoaster of emotions, some days I'm up other days I'm down, I'm wondering if I'll ever be stable. Furthermore, this is coming from me, an already super-emotional individual. More and more I find myself questioning if what I'm doing is the right thing for me. In my mind I know it is, I know coming out here I've come face to face with my biggest fears and the darkest part of myself. I know I'm going to leave a stronger, wiser person. I know by doing this other problems I encounter in the future will seem trivial. I know all these things, bust still I can't help that my heart is back at home.

So what's my plan? How will I function without being an emotional wreck for the next 172 days? My plan is to seal up my heart and gain control of my emotions. I plan on enjoying my life as it is out here; not hoping, not wishing, not wanting to be anywhere else but right here. I plan on valuing every moment and making the best use of my time. It's the only way to survive and the only way to pass the time with ease.

All my life I've surrounded myself with the best people; people that would be there for me at my highs and lows, and people that understood the many complexities of myself. At some point or another I found myself depending on their strength instead of building mine. And for the first time in my life, all I have is me. It's just me in the room at the end of the day, and learning to enjoy ME, is so frightening. I don't know what it is....maybe I'm scared to be too selfish or maybe I'm fearful that by loving me I'll lose someone I love. Either way it's time I take a clear look at myself and learn to love what I see.